Newly Wed Tip #12 - You can't win them all

Newly Wed Tip #12 - You can't win them all

 

 

I have already told you marriage isn't perfect. You will have fights and lots of them. And if you are fighting it means you still have passion for each other! Its when your marriage goes silent and you give up the fights because it just isn't worth it, that is when the passion has burned out and you need to reflect on yourself and your marriage.

When it comes to fights and battling we have a second nature to ALWAYS be right and always be the WINNER. However, that is not what marriage is about. Its not 50-50, its not 75-25, its 100-100. Marriage is about give and take. And there will be times, no matter if you are right or not, that you will have to accept that your spouse is also right or that you both just can't agree on something. Its not giving up on the marriage, its allowing the marriage to move on and grow stronger. There will be times that you will need to accept defeat, accept that you can't persuade them, accept that your wrong. Make those times count, learn from them, grow from them, but whatever you do.......DO NOT hold a grudge with each other.

You are both human, you both make mistakes, and you both will have different opinions, remember if you were the same all the time your marriage would be boring.

So take those fights, learn from them, grow together, respect each other, and love each other a little more each time. Marriage is worth all the ups, downs, fights, and battles. Especially when you found the right person to do all that with.

Newly Wed Tip #9 - Speak UP

Newly Wed Tip #9 - SPEAK UP

 

I talked last week about how marriage isn't perfect, that it will have its ups and downs, and that you will fight and argue.

Well this weekend Rich and I had fought. Our weekend was far from perfect and it was a learning experience for both of us.

This weekend my parents came up to State College, where we were and stopped by to watch some football, their car broke down and we had to take them to my aunts. While all this was going on, my dad pulled the Trucks handle too hard and broke it. Needless to say we now had to deal with that hassle over the weekend which was unplanned. And like I said was more of a hassle than anything.

Well on Saturday Rich called multiple places to see if they would glue it and they all told him that he needed a new door and not glue. Well this happened before and the place he normal goes glued it. However, they were not open. To make a long story short - Rich got RED angry about it all and blew up. I stayed away but heard his screaming, shouting, temper tantrum going on from upstairs. Plus some not so nice words came out of his month.

I was then PISSED. So mad at him that I couldn't even look at him. I didn't want to talk to him, see him or BE in the same room as him. So I stayed away. I cooked dinner for him and ate at a different time. I was SOOO MAD that I couldn't deal with it.

I am not one to speak up and tell him why I was mad. Usually I just wait it out, suck it up, and move on. Well this time, I put my foot down, and told him how I felt. It took me till the next day but I waited because I needed to calm down. I told him everything I felt and about the whole weekend / Saturday Fiasco situation. It felt amazing to finally speak up!! I had a weight lifted off my shoulder, PLUS it opened communication between us. It let him see how I felt and why I was so mad.

So lesson....SPEAK UP. Just because you fight or argue doesn't mean you have to keep quit and not express yourself. Speak up tell your significant other how you feel, why you go mad, how what they said or the way you acted made you react like this. BE OPEN and BE HONEST!!

You will be amazed at how speaking up and telling the truth, helps you grow as a couple. I know it helped us.

Newly Wed Tip #8 - Make Labels your best friend!!

Newly Wed Tip # 8 - Make Labels your best friend!

 

 

 

I am not kidding when I say make labels your new best friend!!! Why? Because GUYS can't find anything that you put away!!! I love my husband, but if it isn't sitting right in front of him, jumping up and down, saying I'm right here, here I am, then he doesn't know where it is NOR does he look for it! He admits it too. He will say well it wasn't right in front of me. So instead of getting upset and arguing with him about it, I have turned to labels. I label everything! And when I say everything I mean everything from the dresser drawers to the kitchen cabinets, from the top of the house to the bottom! If it has something in it that he might need, then I label it! haha

 

This doesn't just make his life easier, but it makes my life easier. If he reads the label then he can find what he is looking for. If there is no label then I get a MILLION phone calls or texts asking where this is and where that is and where I put this and where did I place this. Which in turn leads me to have to give him detailed, step by step directions to where the item might be.

 

Yes ladies this is a flaw all men have but instead of fighting over it make it easier on you and label everything! It might look tacky but who cares if it is going to save you a fight or energy and not have to tell them or get it for them, because lets admit it, our men are helpless with out us. :) 

 

Newly Wed Tip #7 - Marriage isn't perfect so don't think it!

Newly Wed Tip #7 - Marriage isn't perfect so don't think it!

 

 

 

 

We all know life isn't perfect and it never will be! So why would marriage? Don't get me wrong, I thought once we were married life would be easier and less complicated. I thought the first year would be smooth sailing, romantic and no fights!! HA!!! Was I wrong!

 

When you marry someone, you have to learn to live with them, learn to put them first, learn their quirks, learn to know when to speak up, fight for what you want, walk away when battle is over, and love unconditionally.

 

Marriage is a path worth taking as long as you are willing to go the distance, willing to last a lifetime, willing to take the good with the bad, the ups with the downs.

 

Our marriage is far from perfect. We live with my parents in a bedroom that is too small for the two of us and all our belongings, he has a job that takes up too much time, he got hurt and had to have surgery and we have only been married for 4 months!! But we have big dreams. He has allowed me to start my business and do something that I am passionate about. We fight, sometimes daily, but we always, always talk it out. No not right away, but before the weeks over we talk about it. Yes, even sometimes we go to bed mad! No its not ideal, but sometime we need extra time, but we always, always talk about it, solve the problem, and apologize when it's our fault.

We by far do not have a perfect marriage and never will. We will never go a week without fighting or making one or the other mad, but that is okay. Getting upset and mad at each other, will mean that we still love each other and care about each other! Getting upset and mad means there is still passion in our marriage and that is what I want! I never want the passion to die!

 

Don't get me wrong there are days we want to kill each other, days he annoys me and days I annoy him. But when it comes down to the end of the day, there is no other guy I would want to spend the rest of my life with. He is the last person I want to see before I fall asleep and the first person I want to see when I wake up!

 

 

So I will continue to take the good with the bad, knowing that our marriage is not a fairytale and never will be. I will continue to remind myself that it wont be easy, BUT it is and will always be WORTH it!

 

Remember Love is overcoming obstacles, fighting to stay together, holding on to one another and never, ever letting go!

 

I always say we are making learning and making memories. Marriage is full of lessons, so why not look at them in a positive light and make memories with them. No the fights might not be memorable but the makes up and apologizes always are.

 

So next time you fight with your husband, fiancé, or boyfriend, remember he is worth it, remember the life you want to spend with him, and remember to learn from it and make a memory of it. Life is too short and you never know what is going to happen tomorrow. So hug your spouse / significant other a little tighter today!

 

 

  

Newly Wed Tip #6 - Schedule a Meeting every week

Newly Wed Tip #6 - Schedule a Weekly Meeting Together

 

This may sound silly but this was the best advice I heard and I heard it from an amazing call from my company! I want to share it with you, because it has helped us so much! Schedule a meeting every week with your husband.

Why? Because life is busy and it pulls you in all different directions. And when you have kids it will pull you in even more directions. These meetings will allow you to sit down and talk about the week, the coming week, the future, things that upset, things you need to have changed, and things you might need help with. This allows you both to be on the same page and allows you to both see what is going on in each others lives and thoughts.

Rich and I meet every week. Either on Friday or Saturday night, depending on which day works that week. Unfortunately most weeks we have to go to a restaurant to meet, because we live at home with my parents and want it to be private and uninterrupted. I do not recommend doing it at a restaurant BUT if you do, do what we do. When we go to the restaurant we go an hour early. We sit and have our meeting for an hour and then we order dinner and make it a date night. We let the waitress or waiter know that we want to order dinner but it will be an hour till we do, because we are meeting first. We always tell them that if we need anything we will flag them down. This lets them know not to interrupt us and also lets them know we will be ordering, just to give us time.

These meetings have really helped our marriage. Its our time to be honest and upfront about how we feel, what we are thinking, what we want, etc. Sometimes the meetings are hard and feelings are hurt, but its better to do it over a meeting, then blow up at each other and say things we will regret.

Each meeting, we take turns going first, we start with something positive and then talk about what is on our minds, or what might of made us mad this week, or things that the other person needs to work on, or what we have going on this coming week or month

Whatever you talk about at your meeting, BE HONEST!!! BE OPEN!!! TALK!!! Theses meetings help! We get everything off our chests and talk about the future and where we are heading. When you talk each week, it allows the communication between the 2 of you to grow and become more open with each other. IT also allows you to get things off your chest and not stay quiet and build up anger and resentment. Some weeks you will have more to talk about then others. Make sure you talk each week though. Don't just shluff it off if you don't have anything to say, once you start talking you will think of things. Or write them down as they happen so you can remember come meeting time.